Twas the night before Christmas and all through the big house
Not a player was up, not even sitting on the couch
The Stockings were hung by the chimney with care
getting warm and dry for a Christmas game, to wear
The Players all slept and rested with ease
And dreamed of a win for their fans to appease.
All year long they’ve waited and dreamed of this day
To be paid millions of dollars on Christmas to play
But what of those who worked selling food to the fans
“F**k them,” said the country and those in the stands
“Who cares if they spend Christmas at home
I spent good money to be in this dome.”
Then a man came down the chimney but who could it be
Why it was Santa all tickled with his jolly good glee
He put down his bag filled with gifts galore
And put the presents under the tree and right on the floor
Gloves for Mark Sanchez to handle the ball
So he wouldn’t fumble when sacked and then have to crawl
A Golf club for Tiger to get him back in gear
And to replace the one his wife took last year
A hockey stick for one Sid the Kid
In the event that he should start to skid
And for Jim Joyce, the umpire who can’t see
A pair of glasses for him to call “Out” number three
A racquet for Federer and his great hands
So he can have a chance at another Grand Slam
A camera for Belichick to spy on the other team
And be able to pull off a even more brilliant scheme
Some money for Cam’s father, just in case
But don’t tell anyone, the Heisman trophy, they’ll take
Some cleats for Kyle Brotzman to fix his rare glitch
SO DON’T MISS ANOTHER FIELD GOAL YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!
And when Santa was done, he picked up his sack
But before he left, he looked for a snack
He saw only crumbs on a plate and the milk was all gone
He then remembered Rex Ryan likes to eat before dawn
He went up the chimney and went to his sleigh
Saying “let the players have fun on this Christmas day”
And off he went to spread his good cheer
To wish Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
It has been a great time for this sports season
But there is so much to look forward to and with good reason
As I go, I wish for something else in spite
“Come on, Floyd Mayweather, make the damn fight.”
(Or simply Merry Christmas to all, even the Yankees, and good night)
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